I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
