its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
