I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
