Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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