Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
