did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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