lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
