I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
