my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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