You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
