She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
