By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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