Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
