does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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