Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
