I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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