one two three fourrrrnication!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
