In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
