Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
