So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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