Small penises have feelings too.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
