We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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