Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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