i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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