Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
