My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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