Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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