Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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