Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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