rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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