if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
