i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Houston, we have a blender
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
