sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
