Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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