Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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