you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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