Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
