well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
