Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
