god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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