Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
