so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
