Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
