dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
