i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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