Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize