he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
