i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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