I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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