you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
