Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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