Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
