I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
