btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
