we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
