I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
