I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
