he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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