i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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