I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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