I'm gonna have a badass scar
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
