He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
