Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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