I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
