We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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