im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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